I’m so behind on TV shows. I blame House of Cards.
Season Two premieres Saturday, April 19th, 2014 at 9/8c on BBC America.
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John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
Days of nothing. That’s what it’s like, you work cases. Days like lost dogs. Goes on like that. You know the job. You’re looking for narrative, interrogate witnesses. Parcel evidence, establish a timeline, and build a story day after day.
I am so excited for Will Graham to have the biggest ‘I told you so’ in human history.
Yo here’s the thing, I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back: I actually think Boromir works best as a right-hand man. Boromir was never in it to be a king. He was in it to get shit done, and he’s used to being THE ONLY ONE who wants or is capable of getting shit done, so it makes sense that he’s initially reluctant to scoot over for some dude he doesn’t really know who probably smells like beef jerky and BO. I think even Boromir would agree that Boromir’s place isn’t on the throne. I DO think he’d be a baller status advisor to Aragorn.
Like sure, at first there’s gonna be too many cooks in the kitchen—“No Aragorn, buttery’s on the lef-” “No shit, Boromir, I’ve been to the white tower of Ecthelion before.”—but once that back-breaking pressure is gone, the weight of being the heir and also you know, protecting his country from not only the greasy pig men but from the whims of an incompetent ruler, Boromir could loosen up and break out of his chitin jerkwad pupa to become the beautiful bro he was always meant to be. Like, have you read that article about Joe Biden and his style of diplomacy:
"We were trying to get a world leader to refrain from doing something. He came to Washington, and it was a big deal. Most people thought that if he had done what he was going to do, it would have caused a war to break out." Send in Joe Biden. Arm around the world leader. Talk to the world leader. Soft voice, a few easy laughs, show some Joe Biden empathy to the world leader. "And I convinced him to forgo it and do something else," he says. No big deal. It’s what he does. Save a country or two from some miserable war. To the extent that all politics is personal, Joe Biden is the historic monument. "And I walked out, and a guy was there, a senior staff guy at the State Department, and he said, ‘You know, Mr. Vice President, you didn’t realize it, but that was diplomacy!’”
He looks at me, straightens his back, offers an unmistakable WTF blink.
Tell me this is not bro Boromir in Aragorn’s court. Tell me Boromir is not Aragorn’s Joe Biden, swaggin and quietly contemplatin and yeah, sometimes he puts his foot in his mouth, but he always tells it like it is. Send Boromir and a battalion out to the Haradrim. Boromir can play hardball. SEND BOROMIR TO THE DWARFS. He’ll drink them under the table and make them roar with laughter and those gold trade routes will be open again, they’ll be escorting Boromir out of the mountain halls like Pee Wee with the full motorcycle cavalcade. Send Boromir to the elv- actually, probably don’t send Boromir to the elves.
And in battle, alright. Mordor clean-up campaign, General Boromir, hear the truth of this. Boromir riding back to Aragorn, easy as Sunday morning, telling him the troops are ready with that smile on his face like “We’ve already won, just waiting on you to say go.” And Aragorn’s grip on his reins can loosen infinitesimally, because he’s not really used to this whole king thing yet, not riding up and down the lines and personally checking up on everyone, but if Boromir says we’re good to go, he knows we’re good to go. P.S. Arwen comes to love Boromir for his genuine goodness and his casual easing of Aragorn’s passage into kingship.
SURPRISINGLY I DON’T HAVE MANY ILLUSTRATIVE LOTR .GIFS SAVED BECAUSE I AM NOT ACTUALLY IN THE LOTR FANDOM AND THIS IS NOT AN LOTR BLOG, I am just routinely suffocated under the weight of my feelings about Boromir, like a beached whale. Here is a .gif of me thanking you guys 4 enabling me with my Boromir fanfictions today.
Someone needs to look out for you. Be on your side. [x]